His Confessions |▶ John W.

by West Parsons on December 28, 2011 · 28 comments

in his confessions

Age: 29
Geographical Location: Tallahassee, FL
Educational Background: Doctoral Student
How important is hair to overall attractiveness? Specifically, which styles (down vs. ponytail vs. bun) and lengths?

In all honesty, hair is a big deal to me, but not necessarily in terms of length. Healthy hair means a lot to me, so that can be short, long, or anywhere in between. I don’t like the shaving the side of the head thing though. That looks like Gary Oldman from Fifth Element (movie).

Do you feel there is a ‘Natural Hair Movement’ currently occurring? Why do you think so many women are going natural (i.e. Do you think most women want to make a statement or to just stop relaxing)?

Well, I think for some, it is to make a statement. But many of the women I talk to are just tired of the maintenance that comes with perms and touch-ups. But then, most of them end up getting so involved in hair care that they end up having to maintain things when natural as well. I think the main thing is that going natural seems to be better for the hair and body in terms of chemical exposure and harshness, and that seems like common sense to me.

Would you support your significant other if she decided to become natural?

I have in the past, and that won’t change anytime soon.

Are you able to tell the difference in textures of hair? If your significant other were to go natural, would the texture of her hair affect your opinions on whether she should remain natural or not?

I am able to tell the difference, and believe it or not, most men can. We don’t like to admit it, but we notice bad perms, when touch ups are needed, and when you heat straighten your hair versus permed. For me, however, once my significant other gets the title, my love for her goes beyond what choices she makes with her hair. (Unless she decides to shave a side of it bald, as described above.)

Do you like or dislike when your significant other changes her hair style often (i.e. wigs, weaves, braids, flat ironed, wash & go)?

I like variety, but I think it should be an easy transition and something that suits her. Every hair style looks different from person to person, so I think that it should be something that suits her and her disposition.

Does the amount of time your significant other spends on her hair prove to be problematic?

Only when we are going to get food and a brotha is starving.

How do you feel about the amount of money your significant other spends on her hair? Is there a point where the amount of money is a source of conflict? Is it acceptable for her to spend as much as she chooses as long as she looks fly?

Your looks are an investment, and regardless of what anyone says, you are permitted to do whatever you desire to do with the money you have to maintain that look. With that said, as long as you don’t owe the loan company money because of your maintenance, then I think you do what it takes for you to be happy with your appearance.

Do you think your significant other should consider your opinion when making decisions about her hair?

Consider, perhaps. Should I have equal say in her final decision? Probably not. It is her hair, and though common sense says she should want her man pleased, personal privilege allows her the ability to make her decision.

Why do you think women care about a man’s opinion when it relates to hair?

Because ultimately she wants to attract a man. (Or a woman who is playing the role of a man…or a woman who plays the role of a woman in the place of a man. You get the drift.) Just like, most men who want abs don’t want abs just for the sake of having them and looking in the mirror. A flat stomach is just as healthy. But we want abs because women like abs. Same goes for women and hair.

How do you view women that wear weaves? Can you tell the difference between natural hair and a weave?

Funny story…I had just started dating a girl who had a hair track sewn in. She fell asleep on my chest, and she looked adorable. I began caressing her hair, and ran my fingers along the seam of the track. My first thought was…this poor girl must have had brain surgery cause I feel the stitches. She is such a fighter. I love a strong woman.

Clearly, I was mistaken.

Since then, I truly don’t care much for weaves. Unless there is a medical reason that prompts it, I think you should simply do the best to work with what you got. But then again, it is up to the individual, and I won’t say yay or nay to dating a woman on the strength of her weave.

How do you feel about satin sleeping bonnets or any type of hair scarf?

Don’t like em. Believe it or not, I love to cuddle and press my face against my woman’s hair. (Kinda like Andre 3000 in the Where Are My Panties interlude on Love Below).

Does it matter to you whether your significant other’s hair is relaxed or not?

As long as she is happy, no. But I would want her to be cognizant of what products are being used on her hair rather than just going to the salon and letting someone relax it for her without any information. And since I am a biologist, I have no problems helping her research what goes into those chemicals. Could be a bonding moment…or not.

If more women treated cosmetic treatments as health issues rather than beauty issues, I think we’d see more healthy decisions made about what they choose to do during these processes.


Ke September 28, 2010 at 2:15 am

"She is such a fighter. I love a strong woman."
Foolishness! Lol. Love it.

This feature always grabs my attention. It's funny: I try to tell myself that I don't care WHAT men think, but that's clearly not true. It's nice to be able to find out without having to do the asking. 🙂

Blog Vixen September 28, 2010 at 2:38 am

LOL. That's John for ya! He's a funny dude!

No matter how much we protest and exclaim that we don't care what a man thinks, deep down inside, we do. We have to. Men are creatures of visual stimulation. Hair is apart of the visual package. A woman's visual appeal helps to keep a man interested. The package must be wrapped tight and looking right. Any woman whose been married 7+ years will tell ya that much.

Thanks Ke for staying tuned every week 🙂

Anonymous September 28, 2010 at 2:55 am

To see a man convey interest in our hair – beyond the obvious length or texture factors – while delving into the importance hair health and the complicated relationship that a woman has with her hair is…well…refreshing.

Well put, sir.

Anonymous September 28, 2010 at 3:41 am

Love this! I have been transitioning to a natural for eight months. It is the best thing and I love it!

MelaninEnriched September 28, 2010 at 4:21 am

Wow- loving him! Great responses and not as inflammatory as the other gentleman who shall not be named in my post.

That track story–pure hilarity!

Anonymous September 28, 2010 at 11:13 am

he's yummy! & hee-larious lol

Good interview!!

nappy headed black girl September 28, 2010 at 1:48 pm

I've never met a man actually interested in the health of a woman's hair and not just its appearance. Pleasantly surprising.

Great interview but I wonder if it was all sincere. Not saying the brotha isn't genuine, just that his answers are might pc lol

John W. September 28, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Hey everyone.

I am glad that you all can appreciate my sentiments. Just a few things…

1. NHBG (poster above): Hopefully our paths will cross in the future. In knowing me, you will find out that I speak tactfully, but openly and candidly. My tact (which may seem PC) is not a lack of sincerity or realness, but just my exercise in civil discussion. When abortion, video vixens, colorism, the DL discussion, etc. come up, you will see my opinions aren't always popular…but they are always respectful.

2. It took me a while to get to this point. Had this been 2001, my answers probably would have been slightly different, since that was the first year I remember meeting someone without a perm. (I am so serious).

3. I am all about people making themselves happy with what they have. The choice to go natural is a tough one, and goes against what many people have been raised to believe. But I see in my female friends, my S/O, my former S/O, and others the happiness that came from them taking control of their own concepts of beauty. And that, to me, is a really beautiful thing.

4. Lastly, my answers were submitted to Nesha a week prior to her first confessional post, so the answers that were given were strictly from the heart (and not affected by the witch hunt that ensued on the previous confession. LOL)


questfortheperfectcurl September 28, 2010 at 6:35 pm

LMAO at witch hunt (c'mon, that was mild), and his entire interview. It was funny and thoughtful without being conceited, vain, or shallow (see last interview). Good job!

And…wait…am I allowed to say I truly don't care what a man thinks if I don't want to get married? I already envision myself old, with my hair down to my butt, hanging out with my dog. Shrug.

Anonymous September 28, 2010 at 9:25 pm

Good stuff. Laugh out loud funny!

Anonymous September 28, 2010 at 9:29 pm

I thought this was refreshing as well. You can clearly see that he is an intelligent man unlike the previous interviewee (and intelligence is about more than just book smarts- it's about maturity as well)

EmpressRi September 28, 2010 at 11:50 pm

This was a nice interview. Hollered at the stitches!

Anonymous September 29, 2010 at 2:00 am

I really enjoyed his tact…was pretty funny too! Great interview Mr. W!

Sara September 29, 2010 at 3:28 pm

This is the MOST entertaining "His Confessions" to date. I'm ROTFLMBO @ "She is such a fighter. I love a strong woman."

I must admit that I prejudged John W. and I thought that he was going to be the one to throw some real doozies our way. LOL

Sara September 29, 2010 at 3:34 pm

I just read the comments. LOL @ "witch hunt". I guess we were out for blood on the last confessional and I did wonder if it would affect the rest of the confessionals.

BD in DC October 1, 2010 at 6:37 am

Good gracious.
Is he single?!

Loved this interview. He was honest, and did so respectfully and without degrading anyone in the process. Bravo.

Anonymous October 2, 2010 at 7:50 pm

That was so cute. He said he has a S/O though ^

Whitney October 4, 2010 at 12:44 am

Great interview! It's refreshing to read that he cares about the health of a woman's hair, as well as the appearance. It's cool that he is getting his doctorate in Biology. I have a B.S. in Biology, but I'm going the medical route. I also like the "track" comment. LOL!

Amanda October 4, 2010 at 11:30 pm

I knew there was a reason I chose him! lol.. I like him. He made me smile and laugh. Especially when he was talking about when he thought she had stitches… THAT..was hilarious. 🙂

Nicole D. October 5, 2010 at 1:41 pm

John W. I like all you said. I was impressed that you considered what these chemicals do to us in the longterm. I transitioned to a natural lifestyle (natural hair, natural skincare, natural diet) because as a Biochemist it all seemed so toxic to me. We don't have to wait for a some scientific study to tell us all these things are not healthy.
Yes and the weave story….awesome!

Toni October 6, 2010 at 3:38 pm

Is John single? I'm a grad student at Famu. We live in the same city! I'm interested! I'm cute and natural 🙂

Anonymous October 6, 2010 at 10:19 pm

@Toni Ahaha, that's what I'm saying! I need a John in my life. lol

Jessi December 1, 2010 at 9:05 pm

Looks AND brains … good job, Mr. John.

And again … the track story … pure comedy!

Anonymous December 2, 2010 at 6:50 pm

I really enjoyed this post!

Especially…"poor girl, must have had brain surgery."

THAT is very funny! And it is ONLY funny because it was the track of her weave. Please understand. And his innocense about the whole thing.

Sharon J November 17, 2011 at 10:40 am

Great attitude and sense of humor! Nice Q and A.

asha July 29, 2012 at 1:26 am

Amusing and interesting. Good representation of my hometown.

teetee October 12, 2012 at 6:38 am

omg i luv him! his responses were so well put together and very informative. (packing bags heading to Tally Ho ASAP 😉
thanks for the interview. Im new to ur site (only my 2nd time visiting) but it is surely becoming one of my faves.
kp up the great work!

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