HIS CONFESSIONS |▶ The Reasons I Did Not Want My Wife to Be Natural

by West Parsons on August 10, 2013 · 4 comments

in his confessions

afro art

Dr. Corey  Guyton of  The Geunine Scholar writes:

When I met my wife, she was everything I wanted in a woman. She was educated, Black, took great care of herself, and had long flowy hair. As a youngster, I was always encouraged by older men, my peers, and even some women to find a woman who had “good hair”. Equipped with this advice, my wife’s hair was the icing on the cake to complement her other wonderful qualities.

After dating for a while, my world got turned upside down as my wife uttered these dreadful words…”I am thinking about going natural”. At this point I thought, what is a man to do when his wife is thinking about getting rid of the icing on the cake? Now, I had seen tons of women who were natural and I admired their look (one of those women being my mother), but for some reason I did not feel natural was for my woman.

As the days went by, I progressively started researching as much as I could about the entire natural process to figure out what in the heck my wife was about to do to herself. As I learned more and more about the process, my mind started playing tricks on me. The questions in my mind began to transform from being about why my wife would want to be natural to why did I want to keep her from being natural. This is the point I started evaluating myself instead of my wife.

So the million dollar question is why did I want to keep my wife from embracing her natural hair?

Insecure
The truth is that I was insecure. I was insecure in the fact that my wife had to cut her hair. I was insecure in the fact that she would have a TWA (Tiny Weeny Afro).  And I was insecure in the fact that she could possibly look different. The underlying issue was that I was not comfortable in my own manhood, because subconsciously, I felt I would be less of a man if my wife did not have long flowy hair. It was not about her, it was about me and my insecurities.

Blinded
I was blinded by so many things including Eurocentric values, the media, and my own people.

  • Growing up in a country where the standards are based on Eurocentric values, I fell into the trap of thinking that my definition of beauty was supposed to be the same as their definition of beauty. This false sense of understanding lead to me having the spirit of oppression towards my beautiful Black sistas, including my wife. Sadly, I tried to place those Eurocentric values on my Afrocentric queens.
  • I was also blinded by the numerous images of “beauty” that were portrayed in the media. Anytime I would see a Black woman who was in movies, music videos, pageants, or on any day time television, she had long flowy hair. This played into my psyche and caused me to think that these women were the definition of beauty.
  • Finally, I was blinded by my own people (including myself) who constantly displayed self-hate. The men constantly spoke about how women with short hair or non-straight hair were nappy headed and sistas put tons of weave in their head for the purposes of “increasing their beauty”. We created the thought that we were not beautiful the way God created us.

 CONTINUE READING @ The Geunine Scholar

{ 4 comments }

The Frugal Exerciser August 11, 2013 at 8:48 pm

It was a very interesting read. I’m glad that Dr. Corey Guyton became enlightened and began loving himself and his wife. They don’t have to chase something that AA feels makes someone beautiful. I was lucky because my hubby is from the continent and when I met him in the 1980’s ,he encouraged me to go natural. He didn’t have a fight because I really did like natural hair but didn’t have the courage to do it on my own.

Jenelle August 13, 2013 at 12:18 pm

It’s very interesting that his research led to him uncovering his own insecurities and how it became a matter of looking within himself. It was beautiful to see that as she was embarking upon a new journey, he too began a journey of rediscovering himself.

DK September 1, 2013 at 12:53 am

This is what I needed to read. My boyfriend is white and he has told me that he would be happy with me doing it, but I don’t know if he will be able to handle the chop and the process that is required. I’ll keep u all posted..

khrystal November 26, 2013 at 9:39 pm

this is beautiful. he realized his eurocentric mind. he realized love and understanding had to take hold in his life. my fiancee loves my hair regardless but i can almost be he had these thoughts early on. good thing he adjusts easily <3 love this though
MAJOR KUDOS